You are released.

Nasa harap ako ng laptop ko ngayon, naka-open ang Gdocs, at bet ko lang sanang magword-vomit para bawas na ulit sa mga alalahanin ko sa mga susunod na araw, linggo, buwan, etc. Hindi ko masabing long overdue na ‘to, because if I wrote this earlier, I wouldn’t have been ready. As am typing, medyo namamanhid pa ang mga daliri ko, as if bracing for when you see this, and how you’ll react. Di ko na hawak ‘yon. Di ko na rin pakay ang makita ka, at least not now. Anyway. Here goes. 

Sorry. I’m sorry. Nung iniyakan kita bago ako umalis, I cried because of so many things: napagod ako sa yo. Naubos ako sa yo. I felt like I failed you, and I didn’t know why. Looking at it now, given all that we were raised with and what life has dealt us, we didn’t really have good chances of working out healthily. As whatever: friends, co-existors, whatever. But back then, I felt like I failed. Not in the ways I thought I did, but in that I missed the glaring truths. Na pagod ka rin sa yo at sa akin. Na you were telling the truth when you said you didn’t know better. Na…you were never happy. I could have understood those things better than anyone, because not only have you let me in somehow; I was and still kind of am in those positions myself. But I missed the signs, because kinailangan kong unahin yung load ko back then, and you, you were doing things the only way you knew how. And it hurt. I was, too. And ngayon ko lang din narerealize how much it must have hurt. Those were things you didn’t need more of in your life. The same way those were things that I did not need more of in mine. We were showing up to each other as our hurts. Kaya tayo nagkasakitan. 

I’m saying sorry because I had better chances of recognizing this first. Mas solid ang support ko. I am and I can afford to be more in touch with my emotions. Lugi ka sa part na yun. But I saw so much of myself in you that I expected you to be working at the same pace and logic as I was. And alam kong ganun ka rin sa ‘kin. And we both caved and resented each other for that, not realizing then how we were becoming the people who hurt us, to each other. Siguro, that was the way we knew how to call each other out about being hurt by each other: hindi assertively and objectively. But more inflammatory and toxic. Ganoong lengguwahe ang kilala natin; we don’t understand how there are ways to say it and deal with it healthily. We did not know better, so we did not do better. I’m also sorry because I did not realize how scary it must have been to come face to face with someone like me, who somehow is just able to yank out of you the things you don’t normally want to share to other people. You also scared me because I let you in, in ways I don’t normally do. Nakaka-overwhelm na nga as it is, and dinagdagan pa niyan. While seeing how similar and different we are affirms na hindi tayo nag-iisa and at least may nakakaintindi sa atin, we are not receptive and humble enough to accept that. We had to each be in control because we don’t trust people in our lives, and though we may have trusted each other, we had to not trust because if we did, we will not be in control. Hindi rin tayo open to be corrected. Because most of our lives, mali tayo sa paningin nung mga akala nating magmamahal sa atin. And when we saw that we are a lot alike, akala natin finally, meron nang makakaintindi and magvavalidate sa atin. But we clashed. And again showed up as our unforgiven businesses. So we messed it up. 

Or did we? Baka naman this is how it’s supposed to be. And if it is, despite asking God so many times why this had to happen the way it did, I’m grateful. It may have taken years and rounds of therapy and countless triggers, but, natuto ako. Not only to understand you, but more so to understand, forgive and love myself. I thought ikatatanga ko pag naintindihan at napatawad kita. Pero hindi. It only caused me to make more room for new perspectives to fit. Hindi sa excusable lahat ng nagawa mo. Even yung mga nagawa ko. But they’re understandable. And they are forgivable. Most of all, they are outgrowable. Which, I am deciding they are, for me. Because only then can I release you. Ayoko nang magalit sa yo kasi hindi naman na ako galit talaga. 

Lumipas na. Kasi siguro oras na for me to do better, to choose better. To let go of everything I expected you to be. To let go of everything I hoped I would have been noong andiyan pa ako. It’s exciting and anxiety-inducing to not be angry over you and myself anymore, after a very long time. Pero ang payapa rin pala, ano? Ang payapa rin to be humbled like this. To understand you like this, and in turn, understand me like this. If only for that, kahit hindi sulit yung naging experience, hindi na rin sayang. And for that, thank you. 

Instead of asking you to forgive me, I’ll just wish you well. Na sana, kahit paano mula noong umalis ako, nagkaroon ka naman ng glimmer of hope na may isasaya ka pa. I hope na bukod doon sa mga natrigger ko sa yo na sama ng loob na hindi mo pa nadideal with, sana may naiwan din ako sa yo somehow na sense na someone wants you to be okay. Because as inflammatory as we were, I want you to be okay. I want you to grow, to be happy, whether or not bahagi ako ‘nun. But most of all, I hope you understand now that all these things are up to you to decide on. Na you can trust yourself to find out what’s best for you, never mind na hindi laging tama yung maging judgment mo. Basta natututo ka. 

Anyway, napagod ako sa pagsusulat nito, and I leave it to fate if you’re going to see this or not. Ang akin lang, lumipas na, so bakit hindi ko pa palalayain yung sarili ko, at ikaw, di ba? If and when we see each other again, I look forward to when we each have truly become better. In our own terms, and according to what the Universe wills for us. 

Sorry. Thank you. All the very best. Till then.

You Are Invited…

Yep. You read it right! You’re invited, and nope, am not getting married yet. 😆 I’m 27 and I really am hoping I get there one day with the right person. Unfortunately, or fortunately, am still in the waiting and working season. While am at it, I tried to date (before COVID hit), did and am still doing some introspection, worked on my career and beauty goals (we’re saving that for another entry), set up my small fashion accessories business, T’s Earrings and Things PH, which am incredibly proud of, and…decided to revive Paisley Purpose!

Whether you’re working and waiting like me, or are already getting hitched (regardless there’re still works and waits needed before and after the big day), I’m inviting you to EAT. Explore. Act. Trust. Let’s get to it. 

Explore

So many things changed when the pandemic hit. Businesses have had to migrate online and many events have to be downscaled to fit the constraints of the current situation. If you’re getting married, this is a huge challenge. But, downscaling doesn’t mean downgrading. Thankfully, you don’t have to as you can find and interact with trusted leading and up-and-coming vendors online through the first ever virtual bridal fair by Worldwide Weddings PH.

Exploring new ways of doing things doesn’t mean compromising quality and experience. With Worldwide Weddings PH, you can have the immersive bridal fair feel with the well-thought-out setup and array of wedding suppliers and specialists from all over the Philippines to choose from. Sounds good? Sign up and see for yourself!

If, like me, you aren’t anywhere near walking down the aisle just yet, you may explore through pursuing a longtime passion or finding a totally new one. Like I teased earlier, mine’s fashion accessories. 

Wearing my own handmade earrings (Avelyn, Php 240)  here! Styled the *intimate wedding*-appropriate way.

The more you open yourself to discover possibilities in your career, relationship, passions and personal growth, the better you see what you want, and the more you want to work towards them. Exploring takes you out of your own box, and sometimes, you just need to open other boxes, see what’s inside, and take which parts you want, so you may expand your own, and build new ones. Waiting or on the way to wedded bliss, explore! And, enjoy while you’re at it. 

Act

Explorations will lead to directions, and whichever you choose, you proceed through action. As a new micro business owner, action doesn’t end with setting shop. It’s the consistent and conscious effort to visualize, create and grow. For T’s’ first collection, I made it a point to create 3-5 earrings a day for 2 weeks, a month prior to launching. Days after that, I was already thinking of my second lineup, and prepared to explore anew by doing a test run with some of my styles up on Shopee. It’s another venue and a different ballgame than selling solely over social media. I have heard many stories and was quite hesitant in making the move, but It’s a step towards another box, which I can use to expand and later outgrow my own. Small, but nonetheless significant. And, I’ve made my first few sales already. Yay!

So, actions. Disciplined and deliberate actions become habits, which then give way to changes and growth. This is how I operate to keep T’s going as I work a day job. If you’re a soon-to-wed, you’ll see that preparations for both your wedding and marriage require you to get many things done. It will get strenuous, so you’ll have to take it a day at a time, yet get something, big or small, done everyday. How wonderful it must be to not be the only one on board, so act on your goals in tandem, through forming habits that work for you. 

Now, I wish I know how I can act towards my desire for marriage. I’ve dated here and there but haven’t found anyone yet, and now I have decided to take a long pause. Relationships and marriage are tricky because they’re a multi-way street, and arriving at that is not in my control. So right now, I’ll just…

Trust

Whatever season of life you’re in, trust is a must. Trust in yourself to be able to discern, decide and do what is right for you. Trust in God or the Universe to deliver what you want and need in time. Many of my batchmates are already in serious relationships, and I do envy them and ask God why it’s been such a long and hard process (save this for another blog again) for me, and if I’ll even get what I have been hoping and praying for all this time. 

Despite that there is the assurance that my desires are mine for a reason, and that things will work out. I leave it to faith and fate to make things happen however they need to, and I’ll just hope for the best, because it will come. To that or not, I don’t know. But, it will come. And, seeing myself in this getup certainly makes it feel possible. Which it is, which everything else is. All that’s left to do is trust. 

So. You’re invited ^_^ to EAT with me, and the powers that be, as you navigate through life, whichever season you may be in. Hope to see you!

When God Says “Yes”

Two months ago, I got myself an angel-shaped coin bank that comes with a set of paints. I was so excited to have it, and I ended up laying out the colors in less than a day and adding the finishing touches shortly after. It turned out beautifully, but a question begs to be asked: what do I do with it?

It looks great as a room display, but I can’t really use it as a money bank as most of my savings are already in a real bank. Then I had an idea: why not use it as a PRAYER BANK? In the next 2 months, I’ve torn up pieces of paper where I wrote my prayers for the day. Sometimes, for the week, and sliding them into the prayer bank. Then one day, I thought of digging one of the little sheets out. That prayer was answered with a “Yes” just last week.

I’ve been on a spiritual journey for more than half my life, and I’m admittedly guilty of preparing for the worst when I ask God for something. It wasn’t always that way, but I guess, when you get older and life hits you hard, you lose a little bit of excitement, optimism and enthusiasm over the things you pray for. Prayer, from lifting everything up to God in faith, becomes lifting everything up to God out of habit.

I remember saying that to God outright; it felt sad. He felt distant. My faith felt faded. Thankfully, He understands, and His faithfulness reaches me where I can’t.

Yes, After No and Wait

I’ve been very open in saying I’m waiting and praying for the love of my life, for years now. And I’ve had gotten my fair share of no’s. A “Yes” from Him is a surprise. And, though pleasant, I find it dubious. Mostly, because I forgot how joyful it felt, and mostly, because I have not basked in the previous yeses.

A “Yes” from God comes from a “Yes” from you to Him. At first glance, it doesn’t read right: He’s in control. Does it even matter if I say “Yes” or not? That’s between you and Him. But, for me, when I say, “God, I want this, and I’m excited to see how You’ll answer it.”, then I look forward to seeing God work in it. I get to behold His “Yes”. I get to agonize over His “No”. Either way, I get to talk to and work with Him about and through it.

It’s being intentional about finding His hands work in what you have lifted up to Him. But, what use is your being intentional when you have your mind set on preparing for rejection? It’s easy to prepare for rejection, because you know what feelings to work through, what questions to ask next, and while not yet definite, you see where you could be going if not where you originally hoped. No one is prepared for surprises.

And His yeses are surprises. Here’s what I learned from my most recent “yes” from Him so far: if I want it, I should be willing to receive it and everything that comes with it. Say I’m praying for a promotion. I’m not just bound to get a different job title and pay raise; I’m getting a new set of responsibilities and expectations to meet. Same is true with wanting a spouse. I’m not just getting somebody to come home to, but someone whom I’ll probably be fighting with over the smallest things, like the toothpaste flavor or shampoo variant.

Praying for a Yes

Praying for His yeses is praying to be equipped to handle His surprises. He sees the bigger picture, and you don’t. It’s praying to be willing to stand by to a resounding and unequivocal “yes” to what you have asked for and what He will be giving along with it. But, firstly, it’s praying to see His hands work on your desires, whatever His answer may be to them.

I’m pretty sure there have been more “yes” prayers in my prayer bank than I realize. For each, I thank Him, and pray that I be willing to see and live all yeses, His and mine, out.

Why I Hate the Word ‘Potential’ | Paisley Purpose

For this post, I’m using images of clothes I have hand-sewn and transformed into other styles that I have actually worn. I think doing so will effectively illustrate what ‘potential’ means: being cut apart, sewn together and ultimately transformed into something usable. It is a positive, even powerful, word. But I hate it.

Five years out of college and three full-time jobs in, I have repeatedly been told that I have a lot of potential. To become senior editor. To become marketing head. To host, direct videos, spearhead events, oversee campaigns, etc. I can’t say I haven’t lived up to the great potential a lot of people see in me.

Got promoted twice in my first job. In my 11 months in my second full-time job, I spearheaded 3 activation events, wrote, directed, acted and co-edited 3 online advertisements, published more than 200 posts, formulated more than 10 sales, created 2 billboards, stategized a number of marketing initiatives, etc. I have been similarly productive in my current job.

On the side, I have been exploring sustaining a Youtube channel, improving my singing, reviving this blog, working on weekly stories with friends, and getting back to my creative hobbies, one of which gave way to these new clothes. As I’m writing this, I get why I hate the word ‘potential’. It’s not that I haven’t lived up to it; it’s that I have been measured by it, too often in many aspects of my life. I picked that mentality up: I have to do more because I am able to, so I don’t put that potential to waste.

I have lived up to it. And I have been living in the shadow of my great potential. It didn’t make me very happy. Great potential equates to great expectations. I can deliver. But when I don’t deliver the way others see how my potential should allow me to, I immediately fall short. I once had a mix up at work, was reprimanded, and was told that that wasn’t the first of many things I was not able to do spot on.  I don’t mind getting reprimanded especially when it’s fair. What I do mind is a mistake somehow becoming a stain to my otherwise good showing, only because I am not expected to make it, and solely being blamed for it. Because again, that is not something I am expected to make or need help with.

See, when people expect a lot from you, they keep track of your mistakes. And they say how could that have happened when you have so much potential to do it as well as they expect you to.

I hate that about potential. More potential means less room for mistakes. I have experienced that firsthand, so many times, I say it’s a pattern. And I don’t want to stay stuck in that. I have tons of potential to be whatever I want: an international student, a writer, a host, a media producer, even a designer, which I actually did study for.

In my personal life, I’ve had difficulty dating because of my potential: usually it is to become the typical Filipino-Chinese wife, if only, because I am Filipino-Chinese. This is another proof of how people look at potential and see only that. Cultivate and appreciate only that. Because it can be beneficial for them to do so. I have great potential, but I have even greater desires to be loved as I am, accepted as I am, whether or not I meet expectations. I can accept metrics for as long as they are fair. But how I see myself comes before how I measure up to someone else’s standards. Always.

I hate the word ‘potential’ because while people say I have it, they want to be the ones to benefit from and define it. Whenever I make mistakes, I watch how they react and remember. And remind myself, they haven’t seen it all, and probably don’t deserve to. My potential is mine to actualize and not yours to exploit.

It can be tricky to stick to my own guns in times like this. But…as far as I know, my greatest potential is to become the person I am happiest as, even if it means losing other people along the way. Then again, if they only saw my potential, then they haven’t seen anything yet, and I haven’t lost them.

My potential is mine to explore and actualize. I haven’t yet decided what to do with all of it. But one thing’s for sure: letting you use up any of it is not one of them. Enjoy my Before and After DIY project photos for now. ❤

Bonus: This is how the pink dress at the start of the post started as:

And what the pink top with pearls originally was:

Yes. It was a pair of culottes. Ripped at the back. 😉It still lived up to its potential, though not the way anyone expected it to. ❤ I will, too. I always have.

My 20’s, Season 2 | Paisley Purpose

I’m 27 in just a little over 3 months. That’s less than a hundred days left of being in my mid-20’s, and, like many women my age, I’m getting asked the dreaded questions already.

“Kailan ka mag-aasawa?”

“May boyfriend ka na ba?” 

“Maghanap ka na!”

If you’re a longtime reader of my blog and have known me for a while, you know I want nothing more than to have my own love life: a man to call partner for life, and the love of a lifetime. Complete with the cutesy moments and at times heart-wrenching exchanges they come with. That hasn’t changed with age. But, how and when I see it coming, have.

Ultimately, I have. 

Roughly a week before the region-wide lock down, I was supposed to go on 2 dates. Both of them didn’t pan out, not because they cancelled, but because none of them felt right. And then, boom, lock down. I’ve been attempting to date for almost an entire year already, then; met people that I did like, but just lost touch along the way. Come lock down, I did some self reflecting, and found that I still am not emotionally ready for what I’ve been looking forward to. And, I haven’t found someone I liked enough and who liked me enough, to actually push for next dates, and then later, next levels.

I might truly want to settle down at this age, but my mind and heart aren’t there yet, even if I want for them to be. The more I reflect on it, the more I find there’s a certain “we’ll see” attitude about it, and a million other things in my life now, that wasn’t there when I just entered my 20’s.

I don’t anymore feel like everything has to happen now, and I’m glad that’s the case. There’s enough number of people telling me I have to be afraid when I’m consistently single in my 20’s, and I’m one of them. Now, I consciously try not to be. Marriage is not for everyone, and though I do believe it’s for me, I could be wrong. And that’s fine.

Fine, not because there are a number of other things I can and do enjoy, apart from that. Or because I can have the dress, the venue, the celebration by myself, no problem. Fine, because if it isn’t for me, yet, or ever, then I’m not missing out.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” My singleness has stretched to a pretty lengthy season, so much so that I’m starting to feel that this is already a way of life. But, if a long season is just what it is, then it’s a good run.

And it’s fruitful, simply because it’s a time for growth. I’m today years old when I learned that my style essentials consist of 1. lace 2. florals 3. bodycon/off-shoulder, and that I am thriving being by myself most days. I’m a month ago years old when I realized I am in a hurry to forgive someone who lost my love and respect, so I can go on and fall in love again. And I was the same age when I found that it doesn’t work that way, but that’s for another blog.

People around me have seen my singleness as different opportunities: for career advancement, marriage, future child-rearing, etc. This time in my life has lots of potential to be everything it can possibly be. For me, it’s my reality; a season of waiting, yearning, growing and finding peace. Not because I’m sure it won’t last, but because if it does, I’ll be growing in it. Hopefully, I find myself thriving, too.

I don’t try to feel better about being single anymore, not because I totally don’t feel bad about it, but because it’s perfectly valid to grieve it if that’s not originally where you expect yourself to end up. Though, in saying that, it’s not any less of a fruitful growing season in one’s life, either. Not a lot of people look forward to singleness at this age and older, but, like any life event, one has to choose to welcome it with an open heart and mind, and let themselves make the most of it and vice versa.

I’m excited for when this is all over. Until my heart and God’s will are in it, I’ll take my season 2 in stride, and make the most of everything I’m not missing out on.

Old, New, Blue and Given | Paisley Purpose

Soooo. I’m back ❤ There’s a lot to unpack since my last post, and I’ll get to sharing them again soon. God, I miss this. I miss my original baby, Paisley Purpose. The years and this pandemic, most specially, haven’t been as good as I want them to be. But, as God always proves, graces are around even in the most difficult of times.

Three months of lock down due to a pandemic has me losing hope for the future, reflecting more extensively (thus worrying more) and accumulating purchases from online shopping. Haha. To be fair, tatlo palang naman packages ko. 😉 One of them is a very special online thrift store find, which arrived at my doorstep 11 days ago, on my work anniversary.

A white embroidered dress made of barong fabric. I ordered and bought it in late March, after weeks and weeks of thinking whether or not to get it. I was inclined not to because first, I’m not going anywhere. Second, it’s not the usual stretchable fabric I go for, which I’m at least assured will fit me. Third, it’s too fancy to wear to the office, and I already have a dress for my friends’ wedding (originally in April but moved to September this year). In short, I don’t see any need or use for it.

During the first week since seeing it on my IG feed, I didn’t think much of it. It’s very pretty, for sure, and that’s it. But days turned into weeks, and I figured I’ve been seeing it everyday as I scrolled. And, when I’ve been praying, I’ve been getting something about a “date dress”. Which, again, I don’t need as I have a lot of dresses already, and there’s no way I could go on a date or even church service, given the current situation. After two more weeks of not minding it too much, but continuously seeing it on my feed and dreaming about it, I finally got bugged enough to ask one of my best friends, a spiritually adept sister in the Lord, about what she thought of it.

I sent her a screenshot. Immediately, she said. “OMG. That’s it. That’s the dress. Pang-ganap. That’s your dress, the dress you’ll absolutely glow in.” And after getting goosebumps from her reply, I sent my order form and payment right there and then. No assurance of whether or not it would fit. No guarantees that it is in mint condition (it’s a thrift store find, after all). Also, no definite date of when I will get it, or even if I will actually get it, as it was my first time buying from that thrift store as well.

Then it arrived. When I took it out of the package, it smelled so good–like a perfume I used to wear everyday but never got the chance to buy again after my first bottle shattered from falling down the floor in college. It had a few loose threads and a slight, almost invisible tear, but nothing I couldn’t easily fix. I wasn’t in love. It’s very pretty, but I just don’t see why I have to have it. Or what made it mine.

So, I tried it on. At first, I had difficulty zipping up and thought it didn’t fit. I couldn’t return it, and I was ready to offer it to my sister for when my nephew (yes, I have one now <3) gets christened. Then the zipper went straight up, and it fit like a glove. Again, it wasn’t love at first wear. I took it off after confirming it fits. Then the day after, I got the urge to wear it again and have a good look at it, and me, in it. And that’s when I knew it was 100% for me.

I still have no idea when and where I’d actually get to wear it. On sadder days, I thought, maybe that would be my dress for when I’m in my casket. On happier days, I look forward to maybe wearing it to my own wedding, because shorter white dresses are the trend nowadays, and I certainly don’t mind. I also noticed very recently that the dress is something old, something new and also, something blue. It isn’t, however, something borrowed. It was given to me, though I bought it with my own money. Haha.

Whatever the occasion will be for me to finally garb myself in my special dress, I know it hasn’t happened yet, and I have to be there to enjoy it. I look forward to it. The same way I look forward to the graces of the days that have passed and the days that will come. Writing this today, is the grace of today.

What a beautiful way to come back to Paisley Purpose ❤

 

Blog Dump: Kris Matte Matic Lipstick Review+Makeup Looks+Hugoat, Etc.

It’s been a loooooong while, and I’m sorry for being a lazy ass lately. A lot went on, and all good; been on vacation, still continuing freelance, will get my ass off of the house and into the office soon for a full-time job–so, I’m kind of like on a working vacation. Which, you know, is just another way to say pre-work rehearsal.

Vacation, after all, is the perfect time to dry run all my job-related plans, as well as to learn new skills. This girl doesn’t want to get to it, empty-handed. So yes, I’m excited, been discussing with people already. Today, however, we’re delving into a different kind of discussion–one about makeup and a bunch of things I’ve been up to these days. Enough with the chatter; let’s get into it!

Kris Aquino x Ever Bilena Matte Matic Lipsticks

That the Philippine Queen of All Media is my fave #girlboss is no secret. Another non-secret is the fact that I LOVE local brand EVER BILENA’s lip products. So when news of the Kween releasing a makeup line in collaboration with EB hit my news feed, I was ecstatic. Almost immediately after reading about it, I decided I’ll buy the lipsticks. But not without doing my fair bit of research first.

Watched a couple of reviews, and was finally sold on shelling out Php 490 for 2 lip crayons. Reasonable amount for hyped products with rave reviews. Got my Kris lippies from BeautyMNL (free shipping for the first order) after less than 24 hours, and so I got to swatching and wear-testing in the next few days.

Product Deets

Name: Ever Bilena Kris Matte Matic Lipstick

Price: Php 245 per lipstick

Shade range: Very limited at only 2 shades, namely, Life (rosy pink) and Love (blue-based red), but not really a major problem because they look great on a variety of skin tones.

Formula: Creamy matte, very lightweight, highly pigmented. One swipe coverage. Shade Love is undoubtedly one of the most pigmented lip products I’ve ever tried–lasted me a good 6 hours and 2 meals, no retouch, before fading out at dinner time. Shade Life is not as pigmented, but can last 3-4 hours, and stains lips when fading so color doesn’t look awkward. Easy application, no tugging, moisturizing. All in all, holy grail material.

Verdict: 10/10 will recommend! Get it here.

Glam Hack

Moving on from the bomb Kris lipsticks (which we’ll still go back to in a bit. YES I love them that much HAHAHA), let’s go to contouring. My grandma and aunt have suggested that I contour my nose so my face won’t look flat in photos. Thing is, contouring intimidates me, and I don’t have stuff for it. And I kind of don’t get it. Until I did it myself.

When I was in Canada, my grandma contoured my nose with a brown brow powder. I didn’t see that much of a difference with my glasses on, but hell, do I see it in this look:

I look like a face-tuned version of myself, if not a whole different person. SHOOKT.

Ok maybe just a face-tuned version of me. But whoah. Anyway picked up a contouring tip from this experience: If you’re a natural makeup hoe like me, go with buildable cream products. Swipe only once, just enough for shadows to form where they should when light hits your face. If you have a prominent nose, the tip of your nose should have the darkest contour, so it appears narrower and smaller. 🙂

BTW, notice the earrings I was wearing in my glam, contoured look. DIY-ed them one rainy day and like the lipsticks, they’re my new fave. Here’s a closer look:

Did say we’ll go back to the lipsticks, right? Was wearing Love in the photos, and just when I was wiping it off and ready to call it a day, I figured I can go for the bitten lip look, complete with K-fashion garb. Here it is:

So tip to achieve this soft red lip is to outline the lips, pucker, then swipe it right in the center of the lips. Then pucker again, much like what you’d do with a lip tint. Earrings from another fave, N.Cat Philippines ❤

There we go with the makeup looks 🙂

Hugoat + Life Updates

I know turning on a new leaf has been a common theme in this blog since it started, but it never did feel as whole or real as it does now. 🙂 It isn’t just because I’m raring to start a new job, but also because I’ve curbed a lot of destructive habits recently, and traded them off for healthier ones.

Started small–got back to exercising regularly, albeit just 5-10 mins a day. HAHA. Took up certification classes in preparation for the job. Reconnected with old friends and made new ones–am actually hanging out with more people. Common theme for these? I’m thinking less of how to live life, and am doing more to truly live and enjoy it.

I’m in a good place, physically, mentally, and emotionally, and am excited for things to come, and people to meet. I’m happier, and I feel lovelier, too. HAHA. But kidding aside, I think that’s where it starts.

But I guess this blog entry ends here. 🙂 Thanks for giving it a read. Until the next one 😉

 

‘Tis THE Season to be THANKFUL

WHAT?! IT’S DECEMBER ALREADY?!! Where have the past 11 months of 2017 go? :O To a lengthy, well-spent, break, apparently, and thankfully! I started the year single, employed, and on the verge of going crazy, always zero chill on the daily. As the last month of the year opens, I’m beginning to end the year, single, unemployed but job hunting, still zero chill most days, but having a better grasp and appreciation of life. 😀

As I look back on the past eleven months, I say gratefulness is the perfect way to usher in the twelfth. ‘Tis the season to be thankful!

Relationship Goals

Okay, so I might have begun and end (oh yeah, 30 more days, so who knows, lol) the year single, but it doesn’t mean I didn’t spend the months, building and enriching relationships. This year is probably when I went out with friends the most. And, this also marks the first time I travelled alone with my parents. In addition, I also started to engage with relatives via FB, which I never thought would happen.

I’m now 24, and it’s amusing how I’m only beginning to open up to and participate in these bonds. But better a little late than never. Oh, and I guess, this is the time when I’m also starting to learn to openly need and ask people for support. I began psychotherapy in late April, and consciously involving loved ones to the process, little by little, is paving the way for discussions and expressions of support among us. And it’s been great so far.

With how things are going, I believe I’m on my way to achieving relationship goals with those who’re already around me.

Childhood Crushes

Image from: Philippine Star

 

One of the highlights of my year is watching David Archuleta’s concert. The American Idol alum is my all-time crush. I mean, who wouldn’t swoon over that sweet face and amazing voice? And that adorkable personality is just…you get it, I’m totally in love with David A.! I got Orchestra seats for me and my mom, and we had a blast dancing around and singing along to the energetic Archie. Imagine how close we were to the stage that night! He’s just so lovely, I’m still gushing as I’m writing.

Image from: Imgrum User chaf_official

 

I never thought I’d meet another childhood crush to gush on until my friend Beni invited me to a polymer clay miniature making workshop. Hero Angeles, a local actor, is the instructor. He hasn’t aged a day, but I was more impressed with how artistic he is. His miniature works are so detailed. And, he’s a good instructor. Easy to follow. I’ll save that for another blog entry.

Seeing my childhood crushes is such a treat for me. And, knowing that they’re still single is a huge plus. Lol. Seriously, though, it’s a dream come true for me, and a reminder that delays don’t mean never. What’s meant to happen will always do, in its own time.

Kris Aquino Memes, and the Healing Process

Image from: 8list.ph

What’s up with this heading? Hahaha! I have a newfound appreciation for the country’s Queen of All Media when she forayed into the digital world. As I began watching her videos and following her social media, I discover how relatable, authentic, extra, and super duper marketable she is. And I love how she’s always so thankful to the powers that be and the people for supporting her in her new ventures. It’s a classy attitude she never fails to express with spunky, meme-able, and ever-quotable one-liners.

As I’m slowly putting things to perspective and learning  to be chill and happy, I’m seeing just how blessed I still am. I kind of never stopped working; I’m still in commission. Though I haven’t posted in ages, Paisley Purpose is still ranking. And I have all these content ideas in store, so watch out for that. 😉 In addition, I find that in every breaking point I get to, I always seem to find a breakthrough. And when it seems difficult to do so, my friends Benise and JC would remind me how, sometimes by sending me Kris Aquino memes. Haha.

Yeah, Kris Aquino is both a distraction and an inspiration nowadays. And boy, is that a welcome addition to the healing process.

Living In Terms of Surrenders

Admittedly, I’m getting impatient with how long it’s getting for me to land a new job and to recover fully. Understanding that it’s going to take time does little help to dissuade the impatience sometimes, and I know that the only way to do that is to simply, truly be at peace with however long it’s going to take. Of course, that takes total surrender to God’s timing.

Over the course of trying to heal, I figured that much of my emotional distress is rooted from my unease with God’s timing. I need things to happen now, so I push very, very hard, only to see them go wrong. This has become a pattern, and until I got to a number of breaking points, I didn’t realize that to live life joyfully, is to live each day in terms of surrenders. It’s difficult to surrender without trust, so that’s what I’m learning to consciously choose now.

 

I start with the little things: like how early I’ll wake up each day, or what job opportunities I’ll see and apply for given a certain Friday. I tell myself, “What will be, will be”, and try to leave it at that. Gradually, I try to turn that mantra into prayer. He’s in charge, and things only happen if He wants them to, after all. I’ve done my part of the deal, so how it’s going to turn out will be up to Him. Still challenging, living in surrenders, but I’m getting by quite well.

Given all these things I listed down, there’s really a lot to be thankful for. Life might have dealt me cruel blows more than I hoped it would, but it also allowed me to make it through, more than I think I could, with some help, now. And I know it’s going to continue doing that, and more.

I’d like to begin the end by saying thanks. The season is apt for thankfulness, and I’m glad to find that there are great people and events to be grateful for. And, I know, after it, I’ll find it in me and in life, to say thanks for each day. 🙂

Let the holidays begin with gratitude ❤

6 #OOTDs By Yaya

I LOVE budget fashion. At home, I’m known as the outfit supplier; I know where to get affordable clothes that fit well and can last my mom, sister, and me, a good 3-5 years or so. But, behind every budget fashion scout, is an equally impeccable and stylish bargain hunter. For me, that’s our yaya.

Yaya.

*This was when I did her eyebrows HAHAHA

I say our guama (maternal grandmother) is the OG fashion queen, but our yaya is herself a rockstar in bargain hunting. She’s been with us before we were even born, and she’s always been very stylish. When we were kids, she does our hair in braids and other ‘do’s that she copies from celebrities. When I got older, she began gifting me with accessories for my birthday, and clothes for Christmas.

Sometimes, she’d buy stuff and see that they’re not exactly her taste. So I’d buy them from her because we wear the same size. She has all these sources: ukay, palengke, tiangge, you name it. And when she gives it, best believe it fits perfectly and I wear it often.

I was rummaging through my closet when I found that I actually have a good number of tops and bottoms from her. That calls for an OOTD entry, made special by the fact that they’re courtesy of yaya! Here are the pieces and some of my favorite looks.

Yellow Knitted Cover-up and Denim Shorts

Really in love with the pink hearts on this yellow knit! She gave me this for Christmas around 3-4 years back, and it’s still perfect. I have to wear a cami underneath though, because it’s a bit see-through. The shorts? A steal from the market at 50 pesos.

Off-shoulder Top and Floral Skirt

She didn’t get me the top, but it’s one of my favorite budget finds at 80 pesos. She did give me the skirt, also a budget find at 80 pesos. The whole look is a whopping 160 pesos. :O Girly, classy, and definitely a steal.

Purple Blouse and Striped Pants

I think she originally got the top for my mom, but it was a bit loose, so I stole it. HAHA. The pants, she bought but decided not to keep in her closet because she didn’t know what to wear it with. I bought it from her for 150 pesos. It’s my go-to for job interviews and any event that requires me to look respectable. Or whenever I’m just too lazy to dress up.

Printed Peach Top and Shorts (with Red Cardigan)

The cardigan’s mine, and I forgot where I got it. Either from guama or a tiangge. The top, she gave me just last week, and here I’m wearing it backwards. Yes, that’s a pretty back detail. I doubt my dad will let me wear it that way. But it feels sexy! HAHA. And the fabric! I’m in love with it. Those shorts are another one of her miracle steals; also 50 pesos.

Same Top, and Blue Skirt (with Red Cardigan)

If you’re wondering how the top looks like when worn the right way, here it is. It’s neat and simple, with a front pocket. I think it goes well with the blue skirt (mine again), because it lends a fun and more laidback element to the corporate pencil cut.

Striped Top and Shorts

\This is my typical Sunday look, and the top is another go-to for when I’m lazy to dress up. It’s simple, neat, and oh-so-comfortable. What’s not to love? The shorts are the same pair from one of the previous looks. Oh, and trivia about the bracelet: it also came from yaya!

Here, by the way, are other accessories I used for this entry:

Thank you very much yaya, for these looks and for so many other things, e.g. being part of the family for all our lives. Did you know that she’s the first one to cry on the day of my sister’s wedding? HAHAHA! And that, until today, she still hates my sort of ex? Hahaha let’s just wait till it’s my turn down the aisle, and get amused by the waterworks again. Lol!